I’ve been on a big binge since I returned from Geneen Roth’s residential retreat last week. I’m bingeing on self-observation, doing deep inquiry into the very archaic patterns I slide into so easily when I’m not paying attention. The one I created when I was almost too young to remember.
My default self has a life of its own. One of the biggest defaults I experience is believing that I made a mistake when I’m confronted with unexpected events. Yesterday I got through half a session with a client who called on the wrong day because I assumed I’d made the mistake. I recovered with time enough to (barely) make it to my strength conditioning class, which was originally on my schedule. Missing this would have been staying with my default body.
I’ll be continuing the call today at the time it was originally scheduled. In the meantime there’s more food for my binge of self-observations.
The most powerful question I’m sitting with is this: how does my default self create a default body? I think I know some of the answers, but I’m beginning to think this is a question to live into. And as I look more deeply I can see how my “default body,” the one I create when I go unconscious in my life (and eating is a part of life), is also creating a default self. It’s a know of infinity!