This has been a season of puddles, and as the sun begins to show up I don’t want to forget what I’ve learned from exploring my inner puddling. It all began with a small injury, to which I added lots of insults. I mostly rained on what could have been a perfectly nice parade by thinking that I should be more evolved and enlightened than to feel disappointment or frustration.
I’m reminded of a time when my three-year-old daughter wet her “big girl pants” on a cloudless summer day, then claimed they were wet because she “sat in a puddle. A very big puddle.”
I had been sitting in a very big puddle of feelings and beliefs while I stayed dry in my mind, in my image of myself as someone who had evolved past lowly messes.
So I took a good hard look at where I was getting stuck and asked myself some hard questions about where I’m still arguing with reality. I took a close-up tour of what’s going on behind the façade of enlightened perfection that I sometimes wear. I took classes in inquiry. I led a small group as we got serious about living into our answers.
At the bottom of that puddle of disappointment I found a great gift. There’s a peace and clarity in discovering what’s behind thoughts like: This situation is a problem. I need to take care of it now. There’s not time. It’s somebody else’s fault that the world isn’t perfect (from my point of view).
As I poke around in the yuk of lies I sometimes believe about myself or the world, I keep finding how much easier and kinder it would be to just take a giant step to the side and discover how good my essential self really is, away from all the mental chatter.
Here’s the big surprise: When I strip away the façade of enlightenment, what I find is enlightenment.
A big part of this process has come from actually seeing and allowing some hidden feelings that I had not felt seemly in someone of my stage of evolution. Now that’s a relief. The relief that comes from being on the same page as reality, which contains all things natural. Like feelings. Puddles of tears come, sometimes. And then the sun shines.
When I allow for all that messiness, I find myself in a big puddle of relief….and joy.
Where do you puddle up? What might you allow yourself to do or if you weren’t trying to be wise or enlightened? A big subject. Touch in and poke around gently. Hold what shows up in kind curiosity. What do you notice?