“Personalities don’t love…they want something” Byron Katie

This week I’ve been noticing when I use my well-honed charm and persuasive personality to get something from other people.  Something like approval. Appreciation. Respect.  Income.

Something like love.  But, I notice, it’s not love.  It’s about me.  When I put on my “look goods,” I’ve found, I can get the approval I think I crave.  But there’s always something missing.  I tend to believe, deep down inside, that they’re buying my act.  And then I need to keep acting or manipulating to get more of it.

It’s an expensive addiction.

And the cost is that I continue to believe I can never measure up.  To what?  They already gave me what I thought I wanted.  The reality is I don’t measure up to my own undefined standard. So what do I do?  I scramble, fake it, try harder.

The other day I talked with a potential client.  As we talked, I realized that I’d love to work with her. It was clear that I could help guide her toward freedom.  I wanted something. I wanted her to respect my work, and I wanted to work with her.  But the voice inside said I should share another program, by another coach, with her.  I felt it might be just the kind of intense challenge that would bring her more freedom in her business.

So I asked myself, “what would Love do?”  And my heart knew the answer.  My personality wanted something from her.  To spend time with her in a coaching relationship. My heart knew that I only wanted that if it were just right for her, compared with all the options I knew.

And I also knew the cost of trying to earn her respect.  And I didn’t like that me.  So potentially losing a client became less expensive to me than the pain of having to pretend.

What about you? Check it out.  What’s the cost of using your personality to get what you want?

Do you get it?  If you do, do you have to work to keep it?  What do you lose?  Check the balance sheet and decide for yourself if the cost is worth the investment.

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