Monthly Archives: March 2026

We’ve Been Here Before

Welcome to Spring!

Like many of you, I’ve spent this winter trying to manage flurries of chaos and imitate normalcy despite frequent visits from anxiety. I’ve been trying my best to understand what’s happening and how it fits with my lifelong Peace and Love commitment to the world, trying to discover something I’ve missed that would explain how we got here as a country.

For the last year-and-a-half I’ve been adding purple streaks to my graying hair and chosen bright clothing, my effort to hang onto joy. I’ve celebrated anything that needs it and increased nights out at local events and movies. I’ve carried signs and sung in a protest choir, fought the David and Goliath fight against a corporate landfill polluter. I’ve tried to take care of and my increasingly demanding body and my fifty-six year old marriage.

Juniper, my toddler granddaughter who is also trying to figure out the world, has given me hope. So have her parents and my talented daughter Johanna, who has been traveling around the country and sharing her newly-minted songs of love and resilience. I’ve tried hard to greet every human, friend or foe, with a smile or a quip.

I’m getting tired. But I’m still pacing myself for a longer haul.

What has helped most? Writing poetry. Not romantic. Real. Somehow trying to put everything into words has helped me to find context. I’m sharing one with you today, as the Earth turns toward the light.

In the meantime, I’m curious about what centers you. What brings you hope? Where do you feel empowered? Hopeful? 

Context

Is this like the Sixties? 

They ask, hoping perhaps for 

some link to a saner world.

Every cell in my body wants to offer comfort 

or to be comforted by some dip into a well of family history

Like so many grandmothers before me 

But the mental scoop comes up empty.

 

No, I answer. 

In the 1960s we fought violence in other places

with righteous indignation

one or two of us caught bullets for the cause

but never did we ever see evidence of meanness

generously smeared over the country and

never were we afraid of adults 

(who were clueless, yes but not vindictive)

 

I reach back another hundred years to the 1860’s

and I remember the oft-repeated story of 

my sassy German grandmother who saved her husband 

from marauding bushwhackers 

by hiding him in the cellar and refusing 

to leave her place atop the door.

But today a little enhanced research 

shows a grisly ambush of 27 German 

immigrants, old men and teens in 1864 

by bushwhackers who set up camp 

right across the road from the family farm 

and terrorized immigrant farmers

well after the war was done.

That story was lost or at least not repeated to children. 

Cruelty is often hidden,

but it is not a new invention.

 
 

Happy New Now!

Happy New Now!

Every January 1st for the last 25 years I’ve begun my journal with Happy New Now. I’ve skipped traditional resolutions in favor of quiet time early in January to settle my overwhelmed nervous system and to dream into the new year. Epiphany, on Jan. 6th, has long been a day I’ve set aside for inquiry and prayer and journaling my way into that Happy New Now.

2026 has been different. Our daughter’s tiny miniature poodle Coco, only three bony pounds, began her journey to cross the Rainbow Bridge on January 6th. Often life’s epiphanies aren’t exactly welcome, I think, as we say goodbye and watch the vet carry her body away, emptying a box of tissues while tending our broken hearts.

No amount of “thought work” could numb the bodily sensation of heaviness. Not even a visit to relish my toddler granddaughter’s antics did the trick. Or chocolate, ice cream, hilly walks, frigid bike rides. Or sleep, which was becoming more elusive as heartbreak for my country competed for time.

Life just hasn’t been cooperating with my idea of how it should be showing up. After a couple more days of deep grief, something inside me gave up on solving this predicament and dissolved into an awkward combo of tears and detachment.

Something just turned it over. Let it go. Surrendered. Something knew. I was just an innocent by-stander, way over my confused little head.

What was left? I spent the next couple of days in deep curiosity. Here’s what I found. A poignant sadness. A tenderness. These are ongoing personal epiphanies at my age and stage of life, reminders of how very final is the loss of every single life.

Then came a deepening commitment to kindness and civility, a kind of marriage between my tender heart and my community. A sacred state of mind as bittersweet as the persimmons still hanging on winter trees outside.

It takes tremendous tenacity to hang on to what is good in life, to fight for what is right. And there’s also the ultimate challenge: letting go of all of it. Especially when it’s not going my way.

Bittersweet is an acquired taste. It is answered through a deepening of the soul. I’m finding a comfort in accepting this mission, as bittersweet as it always is to “just” let go.

My Epiphany wish for you. May you come to relish your bittersweet life in the coming year.