Goodbye, Cruel World. These words came drifting into my mind while I was walking the beaches of the impossibly beautiful Oregon Coast last weekend. The rhythms of the ocean have a way of opening my inner ear to wisdom, so I didn’t take this lightly. Goodbye cruel world? Since I wasn’t in a suicidal frame of mind, I didn’t go there. I also didn’t take it to mean anything about the lives that have come and gone by way of water.
Goodbye, cruel world? Why these words? Then I had a tiny epiphany. A momentary glimpse of how, even in the expansiveness and generosity of nature, I can lose the beauty of the world around me by listening to my inner narrator. I can so easily contract into a shrunken world inside when I’m triggered by feelings, glued stickily in place with supporting thoughts and evidence.
When I fall into that spell, I’ve said goodbye to the real world around me and hello to a cruel world of self-judgement and lies. Goodbye cruel world. Can I say goodbye to the cruel world that shows up when I believe my inner dictator and discover a kinder one?
When I haven’t shrunk the heaven I live in to fit a smaller belief system (like the one that says I’m not good enough, smart enough, enough enough), there’s never enough of anything around me to fill me up. Least of all the sugar or salty foods I usually begin to crave for comfort or relief.
But when I’m not in the thrall of my inner limiting loops, I’m there for it. All of it. The beauty and the poignancy of the real world. I have said goodbye to the cruel world inside and said hello to something else. To the heaven of wind, rainbows and human connection. And also hello to the challenges of financial ups and downs, failing health, troubled family members.
The more I’ve questioned my feelings/beliefs, the more I see the beauty even in these situations. I may not like it all the time, but I have moments when I see the perfection of the current “disaster.” Or I trust that I just can’t see it yet…and maybe I will. But if I don’t, I figure I’m probably missing something, and I give it up to the mysterious way of things.
I’d rather leave the cruel world behind and live in a kinder one, even if I don’t always see the goodness in the situation at first glance. Hello, real world!
What things have appeared in your life that seemed unkind but turned out later to be kind?
This reminds me of the movie, the Descendants. George Clooney is questioning everything about his life when his wife is tragically injured in a boating accident and he finds out she’s been cheating on him. The movie is set in Hawaii, a paradise of beauty and he’s surrounded by people who love him but he’s so wracked with painful thoughts and suffering, he can’t see any of it until he starts to grieve. Thanks for the great reminder Susan, it is about questioning what we think and opening ourselves up to a kinder reality.
Thanks for bringing the film into this conversation, Lisa. I’ve been looking at how frozen emotions keep us stuck in our personal hell. The film showed this with such poignance. When he allowed the emotion into his body, he could actually experience the love that would lead to healing. Just like all of us.