Happy New Now!
Every January 1st for the last 25 years I’ve begun my journal with Happy New Now. I’ve skipped traditional resolutions in favor of quiet time early in January to settle my overwhelmed nervous system and to dream into the new year. Epiphany, on Jan. 6th, has long been a day I’ve set aside for inquiry and prayer and journaling my way into that Happy New Now.
2026 has been different. Our daughter’s tiny miniature poodle Coco, only three bony pounds, began her journey to cross the Rainbow Bridge on January 6th. Often life’s epiphanies aren’t exactly welcome, I think, as we say goodbye and watch the vet carry her body away, emptying a box of tissues while tending our broken hearts.
No amount of “thought work” could numb the bodily sensation of heaviness. Not even a visit to relish my toddler granddaughter’s antics did the trick. Or chocolate, ice cream, hilly walks, frigid bike rides. Or sleep, which was becoming more elusive as heartbreak for my country competed for time.
Life just hasn’t been cooperating with my idea of how it should be showing up. After a couple more days of deep grief, something inside me gave up on solving this predicament and dissolved into an awkward combo of tears and detachment.
Something just turned it over. Let it go. Surrendered. Something knew. I was just an innocent by-stander, way over my confused little head.
What was left? I spent the next couple of days in deep curiosity. Here’s what I found. A poignant sadness. A tenderness. These are ongoing personal epiphanies at my age and stage of life, reminders of how very final is the loss of every single life.
Then came a deepening commitment to kindness and civility, a kind of marriage between my tender heart and my community. A sacred state of mind as bittersweet as the persimmons still hanging on winter trees outside.
It takes tremendous tenacity to hang on to what is good in life, to fight for what is right. And there’s also the ultimate challenge: letting go of all of it. Especially when it’s not going my way.
Bittersweet is an acquired taste. It is answered through a deepening of the soul. I’m finding a comfort in accepting this mission, as bittersweet as it always is to “just” let go.
My Epiphany wish for you. May you come to relish your bittersweet life in the coming year.
