It’s been a wild ride the last six months. By that I mean that it’s one I don’t want to repeat. Lots of unexpected challenges coming from the outside world that I didn’t choose. Things like being hit head-on at a high speed, followed by my daughter being hit by a drunk driver two months later. At the same time my mother was suffering and requiring surgery across the country. Those kinds of challenges.
My inner hero came through for all of it, and I’m happy to notice that any predictable urgency is behind me now.
On the other hand, who knows? Can I hold that knowing in my mind without re-creating the trauma in my body? My body easily holds tension, waiting for the next foot to fall. I notice a little clenching when the phone rings, especially knowing that some family members are far from stable.
Except me. And yet just like me. The recent menu of traumas is behind me, but one thing I’m learning (again) is that life itself is far from stable. I have a couple of choices as recourse: hyper-vigilance (with all its costs) or preparation.
I choose the latter.
And so I’ve been seeing this return to “ordinary life” as an opportunity to practice preparedness. Part of that looks like clearing out old clothes (bags and bags), ruthless in the pursuit of space and organization.
But much I do to prepare for a new approach to this unpredictable world is internal. I practice calming myself, using all the practices and tricks I’ve learned over the years, from A to Z. From Awareness to Zen attitude, with quite a few stops in between.
Being still. Being here. Being now. Being.
Walking in the spring, letting it undo me.
Undoing of the Doing and the Thinking. Finding the depth in the body that was here for me all along.
And it feels like returning home.
How do you prepare to return home? What is your practice for re-connecting with all the places you disconnect when you’re faced with demands from the outside world? Notice what brings you home. Notice this spring as you create a landing strip for you. Remember.
